What is going on?

"Have you always been an idiot?" an onlooker asked as I attempted to eat a park bench.

My responce to that person was, "I could fight you right now," and a few minutes later I was in a hospital having a fist removed from my park bench shaped stomach. As I lay in the hospital bed, I began to think of something a very good friend of mine told me, "Only white shirts can be worn under Leder Housen," and then I knew that the way that I was looking at life wasn't the way that the germans wanted me to act. Maybe it was the way that the french wanted me to act, but i care more about the Germans. But that near death expeirence wasn't the 1st time i realized that I was an idiot. A few weeks earlier, I was excited go out with my plan as I do every Saturday night. Wacth Mad T.v at 11 and then wacth the rest of Snl at 12. But I was disapointed that night because when I turned the T.v on at 11, Mad T.v wasn't on. Then, I realized I was on the wrong channel, so I turned it to chanel 10 and the news was on. So I changed it to the T.v listings channel and saw that Mad T.v wasn't gonna be on at 11. So, I lied down on the couch, disapointed for about 20 minutes. 11:30 approached, so I began to start looking at the T,v listings channel again to see if they changed the times for Mad T.v. But when I read the listings, I noticed that it said "Late show with David Letterman" and "The tonight sow with Jay Leno". I may be an idiot, but I was smart enough to know that those are week day shows. I pondered a bit. "Why are week days shows on on a saturday?" Then, I remembered that it was Friday. That night, I realized that I was an idiot.

I wanted to start change my lifestyle, so I started think of questions to ask myself, like "Why don't I have a clock in my fridge?" When I get up late at night to get a juice box out of the fridge, I want to know what time it is. Another question I tought of was, "Why am I always disapointed when I find that the bowl that I thought held cookie dough in it held coleslaw?" because that happens alot and I hate coleslaw, I know, it's blastphemy, but it's thin salad with too much dressing. Another question I thought of was, "Why is it that whenever I want a peach for breakfast, we don't have any and whenever I don't want a peach for breakfast, my mom gives me one?" because that's annoying.

The next night, I asked myself the questions that I thought up the night before. My answer to every question was, "I don't know," and by the end of the night I was asking the part of me that was asking the questions, "why the hell are you asking me these questions?" and I responded by saying, "because the other part of me told me to ask me the question that the other me thought up," and I responded to myself by saying, " that doesn't make any sence," and I responded to my other self by saying, "it doesn't, I'm just making this up as I go along."

My father was in the other room, listening to me talk to myself. My parents immediatly assumed I was a skitso, so the went and had me commited. I spent 8 years in the lonny bin and when I got out, I was the same age, then I remember that I only in there for 3 months, but I had already told every one that I was in there for 8 years. My parents immediatly thought that I thought that I was a cat, so they had me commited again. I met more friends a second time around, including a guy that was James Bond in another life, so he made a plan for him, me and a guy that thought he was a giraffe that was distantly related to Paul Newman to get out of the lonny bin and it worked. But after a few months in Mexico, they found us and put us back in the nest. They let me out after 5 months of individual attention. When I got out, I decided to try to be the first man to ever succesfully eat a park bench. I think that I have already told you about that, so I'll just skip to the part about me getting out of the hospital.

So, I got out of the hospital a changed man. I was going to make some drastic changes to my life style. Like, for starters, I put a clock in my fridge and then I bought a life time supply of peaches and put them in the storage closet and then I decided that I wasn't gonna go to University. But then, something terrendous happened! I was forced to come to a family dinner. At this dinner, I over heard one of my cousins tell my mother that he knew that I wasn't going to university. So my mother got mad at him for putting ideas in my head. Then, I told my mom that i don't care about what Nfl fans have to say about me, so she could be relieved. But I really don't like Nfl, I mean Cfl's is way better. So then my cousin told me that university is good because there's chicks there and I get to wacth day time Tv. So, now, I don't know what to think.


Priar to popular belief, I am an idiot. Now I'm going to try get past the part with me think up an ending to this blog. Yeaa...... Hmmmm.... Soooo.... This is awkward. Jeez it would be alot easier if the pizza guy would show up right about now, so I could say "Well, I'm sorry to say that my pizza is here, so I have to end this blog." but that can't happen untill the pizza gets here. So........ This is very uncofortable........ Jeez well the argos are doing good eh? Damon's doing alot better. Yeaa...... Soooooo........


Damnit! Where the hell is the damn pizza guy?